If there’s one thing us Brits love, it’s a good old-fashioned cup of tea.
But how do you like your cuppa? Are you a fan of the classic builder’s tea, or do you need a dosage of dairy mixed in to make in drinkable?
In celebration of National Tea Day (April 21-22), follow our guide on brew colouring and find out what your tea says about you.
Brew 1: Milk > Tea
“Bloody heck, can I have some tea with my milk?” – a phrase sarcastically synonymous for a situation where someone has overloaded your fresh cuppa with too much semi-skimmed. But people actually WANT their tea like this!
It’s a cup of tea that screams out rushed. You’ve hurled the tea bag in, poured the milk in before the water, then spooned the bag out without a second of brewage, leaving you with a cuppa that’s whiter than the clouds. You might as well call yourself Linford Chris-tea, as you’re the faster brew-maker in the west. To add insult to injury, it’ll often have a few teaspoons of sugar in there.
It’s milky, it’s weak, it’s an abomination and, most importantly, a disgrace to the world of tea.
Brew 2: The Painter’s Tray
We’ve all be there – you’ve poured in too much milk, not brewed the tea for long enough, realised it’s too milky, then attempted in vain to salvage the situation by hurriedly double-bagging. You’re left with a murky mix of white water with surges of darkness swirling round.
Nobody chooses to have this colour of tea. It’s a mistake, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. The less said the better.
Brew 3: The New Hope
A step the right direction towards brew-making equilibrium. You’ve got a specialist degree in the art of the tea bag – people heralded you as the Chosen One when it comes to make a round of brews at work or home. You get the yin yang – milk and tea bag can live in harmony.
Having this coloured tea makes you a popular person, you’re seen as an understanding being. You get how to make a brew, so you get life. Your move away from the milky mixes makes you an inspiration, people look up to for your choices. This is the pinnacle of tea-making – call your mum, tell her you’ve (quite literally) made it.
Brew 4: The Hipster Brewing
Everyone loves that fine balance between tea and milk – and for that reason you don’t. Your tea is like David Dickinson: full of character, a real bobby dazzler, and mahogany in colour.
You’re the anti-mainstream of tea, there isn’t a bag in sight, just tea leaves that have been nurtured and grown by hand since it was a seedling and flown in from the fields of Sri Lanka. It’s all about the deep, rich flavours of the brew – no flash-in-the-pan brewing, you leave it in the cup to fester for a good five minutes. Strictly no sugar and just a dash of milk will suffice, just to add a pinch of lightness to your brew.
To some you’ll be sophisticated, to the rest pretentious.
Brew 5: The Dark ‘n’ Stormy
The furthest point of tea drinking before you enter the abyss. One for the hard nuts among us, this is where adding a big splash of milk into a brew is verging on an insult. You enjoy your black tea at breakfast with a bowl of gravel and a side of nails, you’re not scared of saying boo to goose and nobody, and we mean NOBODY, has ever tried to question your thoughts – even if you’re outrageously incorrect.
You’re tough, you know no fear, and you love dark tea. Anyone got a problem with that?